Josh Learns the Truth
by JoshFan
Summary: Josh is dumbfounded when Megan tells him why Drake has been so distant lately.  Is Megan wrong? Is it a trick?  If not, then what is Josh going to do about it?
1. Josh is Blind

A/N: This is my first attempt at this. Any criticism would be appreciated. Thank you!

**Chapter 1: Josh is Blind**

Even though Josh had been accepted to NYU months ago, it was finally becoming real during the middle of June, when school was only weeks away. Leaving his dad, Audrey, who had become a real mother to him, Megan and, of course, Drake, would be a difficult adjustment for them all.

But why was Drake being so cold, so distant lately? Drake wasn't jealous about Josh being accepted into almost every school to which he applied. After all, Drake didn't care about college. Drake was only interested in his music.

Josh had finally given up on getting any answers from Drake. So, hesitatingly, he decided to seek the advice of Megan.

"You are _so_ blind, Josh," Megan said, shaking her head in amazement that Josh was so dense.

"What is that supposed to mean," Josh asked.

"Uh … like you don't see things right under your nose," Megan replied.

"Yeah, I get that part …just what I am not seeing right under my nose, Megan?"

Megan rolled her eyes, took a big breath and explained, "Okay, if I have to spell it out … Drake's in L-O-V-E with you and he's trying to prepare himself for the time when you are no longer in his daily life."

"Of course Drake loves me; he doesn't really come out and say it often, but I know he loves me and will miss me when I am gone … but this seems like something more," Josh replied.

"Gee, are you deaf, too, boob … Drake doesn't just love you, he's _in_ love with you," Megan responded, rolling her eyes again.

"That's crazy … no, wait a minute, this is part of some prank of yours … EVIL."

"Yeah … you can tell yourself that if you want … but you want proof," Megan asked.

Josh just nodded his head up and down, not certain what he wanted to hear.

"Okay … there have been _hundreds_ of clues … but I'll just stick to three little dramas for now. First, remember when you were hanging out with that Drew kid?"

"Yeah?"

"And Drake was _so_ jealous that he went out and got an imitation Josh to make _you_ jealous?"

"So, what … it just hurt his feelings," Josh explained. "Okay, ego … that I could get along without him. Drake's always thought he's irreplaceable."

"Second," Megan interrupted. "And what about that little love triangle: you, Drake and Mindy. Besides being rude to her and calling her 'creature,' how many times has Drake tried to sabotage your relationship," Megan stated before smiling. "Of course, I helped with that one time by promoting his wrestling match with Lucy the night you were trying to impress Mindy's parents."

Josh's facial expression said, "I knew you were in on it."

"But you know when it became obvious to anyone with _half_ a brain? It was the day that Drake made that scene in your chemistry lab. I heard _everything_. He poured his heart out like a girl … in front of all those people and ran out as he began to cry. What 17-year-old guy acts like that … in public no less … unless he's in love?"

All Josh could say was "Uh."

"Let me continue … before you got home that day and made up with Drake, I found him in your bedroom lying on the ping pong table, curled up in a little ball, crushed … just pining … _pining_ for you. I'd _never_ seen him like that before. If anyone else had told Drake they were "done" with him, Drake might have been bummed for a day, but then he would have bounced back like he always does. You know how he is … even though he's popular and in a band, he really has no close friends. His relationships are all … superficial … well, except … his relationship with _you_."

Josh was speechless … but his face showed it all. He was scared, confused and strangely excited at the prospect of Drake loving him more deeply and in a way that Josh could never have seriously imagined … at least not before today.

Josh had to be alone to sort this out. What, if anything, was he going to say to Drake? What were his feelings toward Drake?

"I know I'm right about Drake," Megan said smugly. "It's you that I'm not sure about because you're sweet and caring and get all huggy and 'I love you' with everyone. But if you feel the same way about Drake as he does about you, then you're the biggest boob ever if you don't go for it."

Josh's face revealed his complete surprise at Megan's last remark. Being a sharp girl, Megan recognized Josh's surprise. "Yes, I am all for it … I'd like not having to share my boobs with any other girl," Megan said with a sly smile. "And more important, I don't think you'd ever find someone who could love you … who does love you more … than Drake."

"Megan, I got to go," Josh said as he abruptly departed Megan's room. I didn't matter where; Josh just had to go.

Josh got into his parent's car and took off with no particular destination in mind.


	2. Josh Opens His Eyes

**Chapter 2: Josh Opens His Eyes**

Josh's mind was racing. He was replaying so many events in his mind like when Drake faked illness and ended up going back to Remedial English for failing to entertain his "Little Sibling" - just so Josh could feel cool and have a little sunlight of his own after usually being in Drake's shadow.

Josh had to admit to himself that Drake never made sacrifices for anyone - except for Josh. And even after he was back in the Remedial English class, Drake spontaneously told Josh that he loved him.

The memory of that "I love you" made Josh feel oddly tingly as he suddenly pushed his brakes as hard as he could to avoid rearing ending a car at a stoplight. After coming so close to hitting the car ahead, Josh pulled over and parked in the Inside Out Burger parking lot.

With a single tear running down his cheek, Josh thought about the girls. What about all the girls? Why? What up with that? Is Megan wrong about Drake?

Or was Drake compensating for something? Was Drake really an insecure boy hiding behind a mask of arrogance? Josh knew that Drake's image was part façade. After all, Josh had kept Drake's secret about the occasional panic attacks Drake used to suffer, which usually happened in the middle of the night, especially after one of Drake's nightmares (which also seemed to diminish greatly over the years).

Was Drake truly bisexual? Or trying to convince the world, or perhaps himself, that he was something he was not? Or was Drake just desperately seeking to fill some kind of emptiness inside?

Josh wanted a second opinion. But who could he talk to? He didn't want to "out" Drake or start a false rumor if Drake really wasn't in love with him or whatever. Unfortunately, there was no "Miss Nancy" for Josh to anonymously consult.

Too bad he didn't have Oprah's phone number, Josh thought. Dr. Phyllis wasn't very helpful about their constant fighting, but maybe she would have the answer this time. After all, she did cause Drake and Josh to think about of all the good times they had shared. But after what Drake had said about the doctor's daughter, she probably wouldn't help even if he could reach her.

So, Josh decided that he would go online and maybe find someone to ask. Feeling a little calmer, he started the car and drove to the library because he'd left his laptop at home.

Once online, Josh quickly found a chat room for gay teens. Josh told everyone who was willing to read his messages about the incidents Megan cited, Drake's recent behavior and about the extremely close bond the boys had developed in the last four years.

Then Josh typed, "So, you really think 'Blake' is in love with me?"

_**Blueboy99: Yup**_

_**Bobby4U: Duh**_

_**OutNProud: Without a doubt**_

At least a dozen others replied in the same fashion. Not one person disagreed.

Well, Josh concluded, even though they might be a little bias, how could they all be wrong.

Of course, the inevitable question came:

_**Bobby4U: What about you? What are your feelings about Blake?**_

As he had just come to the conclusion that Megan was most likely right, Josh was not yet ready to start examining his feelings for Drake. However, Josh knew that he would be completely supportive of Drake no matter what.

Josh couldn't take anymore of this today. Being so emotionally exhausted, Josh decided to go home. Luckily, Drake was already asleep on their couch.

Josh couldn't help but think how adorable Drake looked. Josh then went to bed, hoping to think about something else … anything else.


	3. Josh Looks Inside Himself

**Chapter 3: Josh Looks Inside Himself**

The next evening, Josh still felt so clueless for not picking up on the numerous signals Drake had obviously been sending for almost two years. But not to know himself and his true innermost desires, Josh feared would mean that he was not only clueless … but perhaps emotionally stunted, betraying Josh's image of himself as being kind of mature for his age, at least when it came to the important things.

Josh then started to remember how more than once when he and Drake were wrestling that he had gotten a throbbing erection. But wasn't that just teen hormones and simple friction? But then, when Josh first moved in with Drake, why was he so desperate for Drake's acceptance … Drake's love?

And what about the helicopter incident? When Josh thought he and Drake were going to die together, Josh wanted to kiss Drake. At the time and up until now, Josh didn't really think it was sexual desire; rather, it would have just been a special way to express his love for Drake … for the last time … kind of like the Oprah kiss … wasn't that borne out of excitement rather than sexual desire … or was it?

Josh had never really thought about any guy sexually … consciously at least. But now thinking that Drake loved and desired him that way for some reason made Josh feel good … curious … and perhaps even open about exploring his love for Drake in a different way. After all, no "I love you" ever made Josh melt like he does as when Drake says it. And no hug ever makes Josh feel so damn happy like when he and Drake hug. It's like getting a shot of adrenaline.

It was bad enough to be unaware about Drake's feeling for him. But how could he have been so unaware, until now, of his feelings for Drake?

Maybe the only reason, Josh thought, he had not been consciously in love with Drake is because it was some sort of defense mechanism at work. Why set yourself up for heartbreak when you know - or thought you knew - that your love would not be returned. Before yesterday, Josh could have never imagined that Drake was in love with him. Even if Drake was gay or bisexual, Drake certainly would have fallen for a cooler guy … a more handsome guy … wouldn't he?

Apparently not, Josh thought, smiling for the first time in days. And to have the love of someone who loves you so much, maybe it didn't matter what sex they were. However, crossing that line would change _everything_ forever. So, Josh decided he would have to sleep on it before making any decision.

Unfortunately, Drake was still up when Josh got home. Josh wondered if Drake had waited up for him. However, Drake, watching a horrible horror movie on TV, offered only a meek "hey." So, Josh concluded that Drake hadn't waited up for him - a conclusion which Josh would later learn was wrong.

But then, Drake started to say something. Josh didn't want to be mean or unfeeling toward Drake, but Josh just wasn't ready to talk to Drake about all this. So, Josh feigned a headache, even taking two aspirins for show. Josh then buried himself under his blanket and tried to go to sleep.


	4. Drake's Nightmare

**Chapter 4: Drake's Nightmare**

It was about 2:45 a.m.

Drake was tossing and turning in his bed. Drake's mumbling got progressively louder until he yelled, "Nooooo," waking Josh, but not himself.

Drake was still in that weird state between sleep and being awake. Drake then quietly, but with pain evident in his voice, wailed, "Oh, Josh," and started sobbing quietly.

"I'm right here, Drake. What's the matter," Josh asked, genuinely concerned as he climbed up the ladder to Drake's bed and sat down next to Drake.

Becoming more alert upon hearing Josh's voice, Drake realized it was just a nightmare. "Man, Josh … I had a terrible dream that you and I had a stupid fight … and that you took off angry in Mom's car and got into an accident … and that … you died … and that it was all my fault," Drake cried.

Trying to comfort Drake, Josh put his around Drake's shoulder and explained, "It was just a dream, Drake ... forget it ... it doesn't mean anything."

"No, Josh … it's a message … a punishment for being so mean to you lately. It's just … I know I'm going to be so ... alone ... when you go off to college … I guess I was trying to push you away … so it won't hurt so much … when you're really gone," Drake admitted.

"It's all right Drake … I know," Josh replied. Josh then decided to take a chance, probably the biggest chance he had ever taken in his life. Josh looked straight into Drake's eyes, closed his own eyes and pressed his lips gently against Drake's lips.

"See, Drake … I know," Josh explained.

"Well ... yeah … I just told you," Drake replied tentatively.

"No, Drake, I know … I know _everything_," Josh insisted before kissing Drake a little more passionately. There was no mistaking this kiss as something "brotherly," only meant to comfort Drake.

"Ohhhhh … you mean …," Drake asked cautiously.

"Yes, Drake," Josh replied with a gentle smile across his face. "I needed some help at first to see it, but yes, I know you love me … are in love with me."

"Josh, I wanted to tell you so many times. In fact, I waited up for you tonight to tell you, but you seemed so frazzled ... I chickened out," Drake explained. "But now you finally know … _so_," Drake asked prayerfully.

"And so …," Josh answered, taking a big breath to muster some courage, "I love you, too … I guess I have since that academic bowl in which I helped you cheat … why else would I have done such a thing ... of any of the other crazy things you get me to do ... I don't know … I guess I just never let myself really consider the possibility because I never thought you'd fall in love with anyone … especially a guy … especially _me_ of all people."

"Why not you," Drake replied. "You're smart, you're caring, you make me laugh … and you've always accepted me for who I really am, not the boy I pretend to be for the rest of the world. You're the only guy I could ever fall in love with … probably the only person … what I don't get is why you love me … because I'm like a pretty package under the Christmas tree, except once you've torn away the fancy paper and ribbons and open it … you discover there's nothing inside."

Hearing Drake say that about himself made Josh feel like someone had just kicked him in the stomach. "No, Drake," Josh protested, moving his big head side to side. "You're wrong …so wrong … that 'package' contains the most wonderful gift I have _ever_ received … your love."

Drake, uncharacteristically emotional, was almost speechless and could only whimper softly, "Oh, Joshy" as he snuggled up against Josh like a baby kitten snuggles against its mother.

Whenever Drake would call him "Joshy," Josh felt special as Drake was the only person to ever call him that anymore. It was rare and always in private. And this time, it made Josh feel so loved that a tear of joy ran down his cheek. Whether brotherly or romantic, Drake's love was the thing Josh had wanted most since moving in with Drake.

Lying beside Drake, Josh gently ran his hand through Drake's hair, soothing Drake as Drake fell asleep.

For once, Josh thought, he had gotten what he wanted … even though only hours ago he hadn't realized that he wanted it.

* * *

**A/N: If you enjoyed this story, please read the sequel, "The Harsh Sunlight" and/or the prequel, "Drake's Journal." Also, even though this story is complete, reviews are still appreciated greatly. Thank you!**


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